There’s a song by Florida Georgia Line called Grow Old. A line in the song says ‘it’s gonna hurt like hell when we lose our moms and dads.’ That line gets me every single time.
One day, your mom and dad will die. It’s not something you think about when you get married. I sure didn’t. The Monday following our weekend wedding, my husband started the police academy. We were consumed with new things like living together, combining bank accounts, how to pay bills together and how to mesh our two lives together fully.
After what society tells us is the ‘honeymoon phase’ had worn off (I have to admit, that never wore off for my husband and I), we settled. Life became balanced and comfortable and we started to excel as a couple and traveled the world together. We were building our tribe together and daddy’s little princess was loving living in her castle with her king.
My Mom’s Small-Cell Lung Cancer Battle
Sure, not all aspects of life are roses and paradise. I can remember one of my worst days with perfect detail. This is right down to the scent that I smelt as I received bad news that would change my world.
I managed a pediatric practice for over a decade. My mom called me and said that her primary care provider called to tell her that a recent chest x-ray revealed a large mass. “The doctor thinks that I have cancer. I need to see a pulmonologist.”
My mom shared with me that my father and my brothers were all coming home to be with her. I did my best to convince her that it would all be okay. Instead of telling her I was on my way, I knew that I needed what few hours I had left at the office to mentally prepare myself for seeing her.
Preparing For the Worst
I’m certainly no mind-reader; however, I am incredibly analytical. In that moment, I found that I was researching case studies and conducting math at speeds I’ve never done before. I needed to understand my mom’s condition and only would if I saw the stats, the exact data.
My mom smoked for 71% of her life and at that point, she was smoking 2-3 packs a day. From the time that a mass was discovered in my mom’s lung, I was by her side through it all. I attended all of her appointments, surgeries, hospital stays, chemo, and radiation appointments. Would you believe that the moment that we left the pulmonologist’s office, my mom never picked up a cigarette again?
Never had I known what death truly was until I watched my mom’s body die over a 9-month period. Waking up confused in the middle of the night. Unable to shower on her own. Unable or unwilling to eat unless I came over to make food for her. Watching my mom in pain was the worst part.
I knew early on in my mom’s diagnosis that her prognosis was 9-12 months. During those months, I put myself in a shell that showcased positivity on the outside whenever I was around my mom or my dad. Inside, I was already grieving my mother’s death.
The Support of a LEO Husband During a Difficult Time
For 9 months, I didn’t care about anything or anyone apart from making my mom comfortable and happy. What more can someone be expected to do when they know that the death of their mother is inevitable?
Admittedly, I didn’t consider where my husband’s feelings were in the moments leading up to my mother’s death. I did tell him constantly how much I appreciated him being there for me when I needed him. More importantly, I appreciated him not being there and giving me the space that I needed to deal with what only I could deal with.
My husband’s ability to be present and available without always needing to be around was the greatest gift that a wife could ask for, given this kind of situation.
As an officer, my husband accumulates a lot of time off. My husband made it a point to save his time without any complaints so that it could be used during vital times such as my mom’s surgeries. These were times when I needed him by my side the most. He did all of this without any complaints.
Despite daunting shifts and work, my husband would always offer to pick something up for my mom or myself when on his way home. Oftentimes, this was a narcotic that required a signature at the pharmacy or a last-minute grocery item because my mom finally had an appetite for something.
You Are Who You Are All of the Time
How my husband shows up in his personal life is demonstrative of the same integrity that he exhibits in his line of work. It is my belief that in the field of policing, you cannot fake it until you make it.
Seeing the way that my husband presented himself while we were facing my mother’s death showed me a professional side of him. I had not previously experienced this level of professionalism in him up until that point.
In these moments, he was selfless. Never once did he complain. When I needed an ear to listen, he did just that. If I needed help, I knew I could count on him when I called.
He knew how to be present at all times and evaluate what was going on. When situations became frantic and confusing, he remained composed and able to provide direction.
His ability to calm me down and bring me peace during the most difficult time of my life supports what he does for a living as a police officer. It is my belief that your truths overlap from your personal life into your professional life.
LEO Warriors
If someone is genuine and has strong morals and values, these typically show up in the workplace and at home. I am blessed and grateful to have my husband by my side. Knowing the ways that he was there for me when I needed him the most is reflective upon how solid our bond is with one another. For that, I am forever grateful.
LEO Warriors, if any of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. I think that a primitive warrior exists inside of you that is begging to come out. I can’t wait to meet you and help to uncover this for you. Sign up for our newsletter and click on our coaching link to schedule your first coaching session. Follow us on Instagram and Like us on Facebook @leowarriors1.
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