I used to think that I knew who I was. To be honest, after I married my police officer husband, I allowed that to define me as a LEOW (Law Enforcement Officer Wife). It was not until I became the client of a life coach that I discovered that a LEOW was only a small piece of who I was.
Your Upbringing
I was fortunate to grow up in a home where I had both parents shower me with love and support, endlessly. My folks were the idea of perfection in terms of their guidance and the stability that they provided me. Our house was full with me and five brothers. There hasn’t been a time when my dad has called me by name. Rather, he refers to me as ‘princess.’
The upbringing that I enjoyed until I moved out of the house at age 20 instilled what I consider high-quality virtues and morals in me. What I didn’t realize that this also gave me was a predefined definition of who I should be as a wife.
When You Put Others First, Always
My parents taught me that my dad and his needs always came first because he was the breadwinner of the family. It was important for us to surround our lives around when my dad came home from work and ensure that whatever he needed, we took care of it.
After much self-work, I realized that I was viewing my husband in similar ways to that of my father. I treated him and his career as the most important thing in my life. Oftentimes, I would reserve my own feelings and opinions for the sake of supporting my husband and his own needs. Now, I am not in any way indicating that I do not love, honor and respect my husband. What I found was that there was a better way for me to show this.
Self-Development
When I realized that my husband wasn’t the center of our marriage, it allowed me to create an equal space between us. How did I do this? I started to focus on myself. Then I made it clear to my husband that I was on a personal journey of self-development.
There were times when he would be included and there were also times when I would keep things private. This is not to hide anything, rather to allow the vulnerable pieces of me to become exposed so that I could work through them; there is nothing that a spouse can do to help you with this.
The most incredible thing began to happen when I started to put myself first. My husband started to see me as an equal. Instead of me always focusing on him, I focused on us. As a result, he did the same. When I am around my husband, I truly feel like his Queen. A step up from being daddy’s little princess if you ask me.
Your Religion
My parents never practiced religion with us as a family. My father is Catholic and my mother was Christian. Each embraced their individual practices and educated us kids on them; however, they never pushed either upon us.
This may sound ideal for an individual mind to have the opportunity to make their own choices, and it very well may have been.
The only problem was that although my parents didn’t expect us to take on their individual practices of religion, we were still expected to believe as they did. I received major criticism when I expressed my confusion and disagreement for regulated religion for me personally.
My folks decided that I didn’t believe in God since I didn’t embrace their belief systems. This instilled something in me that made me wonder for decades if I believed in anything at all.
The Shift in Religious Beliefs
Starting the night that my mom died, I prayed every single night to what I thought to be the God that my mother believed in. I would have given anything to have found my mother in a dream on any given night. That never happened. After about a year, I gave up this practice.
It was not until I travelled to Thailand and then began practicing meditation that I discovered my higher power. I want to make note of the fact that I said ‘my higher power.’
For the first time in my entire life, meditation brought me a connection with my Creator. A Creator that has shown me the connection among all of us. Even more so, I now understand the connection that I have to all things in life. I am never alone anymore.
My form of prayer may be different than most. When I connect with God, a higher power, a Creator (call if whatever serves you), I know that the relationship that I have is intimate and personalized for me.
The beliefs that I have do not stem from an individual, scripture or what someone else tells me is the right way. Instead, my belief system is derived from what I truly feel and know to be true. This grows as my self-discipline and meditation practices continue. I have adopted the use of Choose Muse 2, a medical-grade home EEG device that allows me to track my state of meditation.
A Belief System That Works For You
After sharing these thoughts with a few close people, something amazing was revealed to me. Those who I thought believed in their religions and practiced with the highest level of discipline had their own versions of their belief system.
They used many components typically practiced in their religion by definition; however, they also omitted and incorporated what they felt brought them closer to their higher power. I wished that someone had told me that it was okay to do this many, many years ago.
You see, that’s the thing. There is no wrong or right in life. Our perception is our reality. The way that you experience life is completely unique to you. If we both encounter the same experience, we are going to take away different pieces and parts of that experience.
That is the beauty of living and connecting in this world. This diversification is what sparks conversation, creativity and expansion.
In Conclusion
My hope for you is that you take away the fact that you define who you are. Your past does not define you. Your upbringing, instilled religion, beliefs and predetermined definitions do not have to be your reality. When we decide what our truths are, we are finally able to live free.
For me, it was not until I was 31 years old that I understood that most of the rules in life that society has placed on me weren’t working for me. I adopted what did serve me and my life has never been so full of love and abundance.
We were each given this life as a gift to do with what we want, not what we are told. I encourage you to discover your own truths. When you allow yourself the permission to do this, the world truly opens up.
Dear LEO Warriors, if any of this resonates with you, I want you to know that you are not alone. I think that a primitive warrior exists inside of you that is begging to come out. I can’t wait to meet you and help to uncover this for you. Sign up for our newsletter and receive resourceful information that is completely curated around YOU. If you have a writing suggestion, please comment below. Follow us on Instagram and Like us on Facebook @leowarriors1.
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